I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
