She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
