____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
