allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
