Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
