We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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