she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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