yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
