Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
