Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
