I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
