alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
