so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
