Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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