Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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