My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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