i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
