I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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