i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
