My hand turned me down
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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