O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's not a walk of shame if you run
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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