Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
