i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
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i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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