god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
me + whiskey = a bad person
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
