kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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