she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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