Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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