Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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