Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
