you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
