Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
