He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
