Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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