I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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