Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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