the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
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