Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(314): View more from Missouri

I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found

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(301): View more from Maryland

if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant

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(703): View more from Virginia

I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.

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(425): View more from Washington

One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.

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(850): View more from Florida

I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.

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(914): View more from New York

He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.

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(516): View more from New York

I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...

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(727): View more from Florida

would you eat cereal with weed in it

(1-727): View more from Florida

who is this???

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