i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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