Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
