I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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