you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
