I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
