And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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