Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
