hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
