And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
