I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
