My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I deserve this hangover.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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