I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
