Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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