he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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