I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
