I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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