pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
