whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
