Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
These tits shall not be calmed
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
