Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize