i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
