Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
