my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
