Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
