But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
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