He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize