My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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