omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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