I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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