How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize