fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
