I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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