If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
My ATM looks so different sober.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
