It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
