yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
