when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
