I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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