Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
