You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
