hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
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