I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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