census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
